Still She Haunts Me
by Antigone.Rose
Summary: "You cannot unbreak the Looking Glass. Once you've seen the world for what it is, you can't forget it." A comparison between Mal and Ariadne.


_A/N: So, I tried to draw some parallels between Ariadne and Mal. Also, for some reason, Alice in Wonderland got pulled in…I dunno. I guess it has always sort of reminded me of Inception. So, yup._

_Disclaimer: Inception and Alice in Wonderland are not mine._

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_"In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die."_

-Lewis Carroll, _Through the Looking Glass_

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"Ariadne!" Cobb's voice echoed through buildings that were impossibly tall in a city that was impossibly empty. "Ariadne, come down! It's almost time to wake up…"

("Wake me up!" The flash of Mal's knife slides ever closer, a serpent in the eaves. "Wake me up!")

So she jumps and the buildings fall past and she is falling, falling, falling…

(Faster than anyone should…)

"Mal, no!" Cobb shouts, but it's too late because he's wrong and she knows it and she can finally go home…His screams are torn from her ears as she hits the pavement and nothing makes any sense.

(she's waiting for a train)

The air is cool and the night is dark and everything is beautiful and terrible…

(but it never arrives)

Cobb is angry with her. "You should never kill yourself in a dream!" His face is pale and she can still feel herself falling… "Not unless you have to!"

She nods obediently, but she can still hear the rush of wind and see the knife (gasping for breath, dying…_dying_…) "Are you mad at me?" She asks because she's supposed to, not because she wants to.

He doesn't answer and, really, she doesn't need him to.

* * *

The first time they meet…

(He infuriates her. He commands her to draw mazes and they aren't good enough, she's not good enough. So she flips the paper and she begins to think in sets of circles that spiral downward and she _creates_ rather than just running in the same straight lines. He takes her not-so-carefully by the hand and leads her past a set of warehouse doors and down the rabbit hole. Then she is Alice, a timid girl running through a Wonderland of her own making. She meets a man who has a smile wider than that of a Cheshire Cat and a wickedly charming tongue to match and another who refuses to let the madness of this Wonderland drive him down the hole. She begins to think of Cobb as a mad hatter of sorts. Even though they are all mad in this Wonderland made up of their own minds, he is the maddest. The world holds him prisoner and she knows that he won't know what to do when the teakettle runs dry and the table becomes empty. She wonders if the others know it too. Still, she stays. She knows the dangers, she knows that she is risking her own sanity, but she doesn't find herself caring. Its wonderful and terrible, horrible and beautiful, this person that she's becoming)

(He enchants her. He speaks to her gently and shows her things that are more beautiful than anything she ever dreamed. It takes so little time for her to start falling deeply, deeply in love with him. The world is so much wider than she ever thought it could be and he's there, holding her hand the entire time and letting her know that he would, never, ever leave. And she loves and is loved and everything is light and wonderful and in this world that they explore together, there is no dark to mute the light. But, they go deeper and things get harder and the walls start to close in. Soon, there they are, in the depths, and there is no way out. But, it doesn't matter, because they are together. They live in their own minds and they are like gods. But, then, the reality begins to fade and the truth that she has always known is lost from view. She cannot make herself care. They will be together, they will grow old together and the future stretches out in front of them, more wonderful and terrible than she ever realized.)

…he shows her a world she could have never imagined.

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The bishop tips

(_clunk_)

just like it's supposed to.

The top wobbles

(_shiver_)

just like she knows it should.

_ But she doesn't believe. _

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Mal knew what it was like to be a lover, to be half of a whole. She had him, she didn't need anyone else. He was her everything. She loved him with body, mind and soul. Reality wasn't reality…they were still dreaming. He just couldn't see.

(she doesn't know where the train will take them)

She loved him too much to leave. He would remain, locked in a dream and never waking. He had to come with her…She wouldn't leave without him. Her plan was perfect, foolproof. She was clever. She had learned from the best.

(but it doesn't matter…)

Ariadne is alone in this. She has never had someone…she does not know what its like to love someone so much that you can't let them go, not even in dreams. Mal scares her so much, the Red Queen to her Alice, demanding that her head come off…

(_Still she haunts me, phantomwise…_)

She thinks, just for a moment, that Cobb could be her other half. But, she sees into his soul as she dives into his dreams. The madness that once drew her in drives her out. She is alone once again.

(_Alice moving under skies…_)

She considers Arthur too…the man who refuses to be driven mad by the things he's seen. She likes him, but his soul is boring. Utterly flat. The artist within her rejects him, even when she consents to give him a kiss.

(_Never seen by waking eyes…_)

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When the time comes, he won't go. She didn't expect that. But…she must wake eventually. It does not do to live in dreams and forget how to live. Her heart breaks when he does not jump after her. She falls alone.

When the job is done, they all leave. She didn't expect that. But…she supposes that she should have. After all, the job is over. The price has been paid. She's given them her sanity. Now she has to live with the scraps of the person that she has left.

There is no way to stop the force of gravity. It's a dream…only a dream…But she falls faster and she realizes that she'd rather be stuck in a dream with Dom Cobb for eternity than by herself in reality for even one more day. But, she can't take back her jump and the ground comes up to meet her faster than she thought it would. The train has left the station…there's no turning back, even if she wants to. And, this time, it matters. Because she's alone.

You cannot unbreak the Looking Glass. Once you've seen the world for what it is, you can't forget it. Ariadne goes back to her old life, tries to return to the shell that she's hollowed out for herself in Paris. But…she doesn't fit anymore. She's gone to far and lost too much. She's been the god to an impossible world. There is no way to go back from that. She's been driven off the deep end and she knows it. And no matter how much she ponders, she cannot decide if she is the only sane one in the world or if she is just mad.

And now the world is fading into black…

And everything seems all wrong…

The top wobbles…

The bishop tips…

But how can you be certain?

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Ariadne stands on the precipice of a building and looks at the streets below. She's been here before. It's oddly comforting, the sense of déjà vu. She breathes and, for a second, she is a goddess once again. She never was Alice after all. She is the White Queen and Wonderland is hers…if only she could get back. She takes the bishop out of her pocket and flings it violently away from her body, out into the Paris streets far below. She rejects the reality it shows her and it drops through the air like a rock, soon lost from her view. She puts one foot over the edge of the building. It's a long way down. She takes a breath and dives back down the Rabbit Hole.

(_Ever drifting down the stream, Lingering in the golden gleam, Life, what is it but a dream?_)

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_A/N: So, there you have it. Review and all that. _


End file.
